Dating and matrimony apps promise endless possibilities, but in reality these are like shops, you add products to cart, buy some, return some and come back again. What starts with hope quickly turns into a cycle of swipes, rejections, ghosting, and mismatched expectations.
These apps are designed to keep you hooked. Why would they let a paying customer go away?
The Cycle
- You will get rejected by people you want, and you will reject the people who want you.
-
It feels like an endless cycle of hope and disappointment.
options
What Matters
- Caste, religion, job, location, money, looks – everything matters.
- When you start talking to someone, assume they are already talking to at least 2+ people. That’s how it works.
- Understanding this helps set realistic expectations
Shifting Expectations
- All the qualities you think you want in a person will start vanishing with each new conversation, so don’t be rigid.
- You don’t truly know what you want; it keeps changing.
Realistic Expectations
- Be ready for rejections, ghosting, and absurd reasons for rejection.
- Swiping is addictive, but building a relationship isn’t.
-
Most people like to keep their options open, you’re not their first priority. Sooner you realize that, the better.
expectations.webp
Effort & Interest
- No effort is a sign of No interest, don’t let them tell you otherwise.
-
Stay away from people who don’t reciprocate your efforts; they’re doing it for someone else.
efforts
Managing Expectations
- Keep expectations to a minimum, otherwise, they will only lead to frustration.
- Don’t be desperate.
- Don’t believe in “you’ll get what you deserve” it’s misleading, you have to put efforts.
- At the end, you might lie to yourself that “this is what I wanted.” But what you want keeps changing.
Communication Challenges
- People lack clarity about what they want, or fail to communicate it.
- Saying no with honesty takes courage, most avoid it.
-
Ghosting is preferred over clear communication. (Speaking from experience – karma will catch them, but they still won’t learn.)
ghosting
The Emotional Toll
- The process can be mentally taxing and requires emotional resilience
- Maintaining a positive outlook while being realistic is challenging but valuable
-
Taking breaks when needed helps maintain perspective
important
Potential Long-term Effects
- Superficiality & Reduced Patience: Swiping culture encourages judging people quickly based on looks or brief bios.
- Decreased Relationship Satisfaction: People who meet through dating apps might report slightly lower levels of satisfaction and higher chances of breakups, especially if one or both parties were using the app casually or had unrealistic expectations.
- Impact on Self-Esteem: Constant exposure to rejection, ghosting, or lack of matches can lower self-worth. Some users become fixated on external validation (likes, matches), which can erode internal confidence over time.
- Over-choice paradox: Having too many options makes people less likely to commit, even if they find someone good.
- Comparison trap: People often compare you with the next profile, making genuine connection harder.
- Short attention spans: Many people treat chats like entertainment, not as a serious step forward.
- Algorithm control: Apps show you who they want, not necessarily who is right for you.
- Emotional burnout: Constant swiping, small talk, and rejections can numb your emotions over time.
- Mismatch of intent: Some are there for timepass, validation, or casual flings, while others seek serious commitment, this mismatch wastes time.
- Transactional mindset: People start evaluating profiles like resumes, ticking boxes instead of focusing on chemistry.
- The ‘next best’ illusion: Many keep searching, thinking someone better is just one swipe away.
- Delayed red flags: Online filters hide real personality traits that only show up in offline interactions.
Strategies That Help
- Focus on what you don’t want to help filter more effectively
- Allow relationships to develop naturally rather than rushing
-
Profiles and social media show curated versions, real connections take time
who
Practical Approaches
- Accept that not every connection will work out
- Focus on building quality connections rather than finding perfection
- If you have existing relationships, invest in them rather than seeking alternatives
- Remember that successful relationships are built, not just discovered
Conclusion
Dating apps are tools that can work well for some people while presenting challenges for others. The key is approaching them with realistic expectations, emotional resilience, and a focus on genuine connection rather than perfection. Success often comes from persistence, self-awareness, and the willingness to learn from each interaction.
